Today was a vegan day, and I made the following mac and “cheese” from the vegan yum yum web site. I have to say, I really doubted this recipe the entire time that I was making it. The ingredients smelled …odd to me. Plus, the color of the “cheese” is darker than the regular mac and cheese. But I have to say, it was delicious! Lolo of vegan yum yum makes is clear that this doesn’t taste like mac and cheese with dairy cheese. It’s not trying to approximate the taste. It is it’s own vegan yumminess.

Lolo is becoming one of my favorite resources. And she is a Bostonian!

Mac and Cheeze
Serves 2-3

1/3 Cup Earth Balance Margarine
1/4 Cup All Purpose Flour
2 1/2 Tbs Low Sodium Tamari or Soy Sauce
1 Tbs Lemon Juice, fresh
1 Tbs Sweet/White/Mellow Miso
1 Tbs Tahini
1 Tbs Tomato Paste (not sauce!)
1 1/4 Cup Soy Milk
1/3 Cup Nutritional Yeast
1 Pinch Salt
Black Pepper, to taste

Begin by heating a sauce pan and adding the earth balance. Once melted, add flour and whisk vigorously until a smooth paste forms, called a roux. Be careful not to add flour to a pan that is very hot, or your roux will be lumpy and you’ll need to start over. If you mix in the flour as soon as the margarine is melted and you should avoid any problems.

To this paste, add tamari, lemon, miso, tahini, and tomato paste and whisk until well incorporated. The mixture should still be paste-like. Then slowly pour in the soymilk, whisking constantly, until it is completely incorporated. Add the yeast and mix well. Cook the mixture until it thickens, whisking often. This should take approximately 5 minutes, but it’s flexible. Add salt and pepper to taste.

My son was nervous, and so was I. Skiing always seemed like hurling yourself down a mountain wearing really expensive underwear. But everything was ok once we got there. Apparently, they don’t start you off at the top of the mountain. After he was done, I told him I was so proud of him for doing something that scared him. I offered McDonald’s as a reward. I figured, French Fries are vegan. I’ll be fine.

Several hours later, it occurred to me that McD was kind of evil. What made me think those fries were vegan? A quick internet search confirmed my fears. Not even vegetarian. They are coated in beef tallow.

Later, I went to make dinner. I found a vegan Mac and Cheese recipe I wanted to try. But when I went to make it, I realized we had no flour. I was surprised by this. But I thought, that’s ok. I’ll make a veggie taco salad with black beans. Went back to my cupboard to discover that I had no black beans. That was a shock. I didn’t think you could actually run out of black beans. I thought Goya cans propagated itself at night.

I found an avocado and this guacamole recipe. Unfortunately, I had only half of the ingredients. I am sure that this is delicious, but the version I made was not. I ended up eating salsa and chips for dinner.

I guess this is what is so difficult about this journey. You have to always think about what you are eating, and I am used to simply consuming. But I’ll keep going. We are headed towards February where I am going to try and go vegan on weekdays. Virg sent me this link which has some delicious looking recipes.

Author – Albert Schweitzer

(and don’t eat them)

I Used to See Her in the Field Beside My House
Ashley Capps

Perhaps it is the way your nipples,
long like fingers on an open hand,
beckon the tired, huddled, osteoporosis-fearing
masses to your swollen, steaming milk sack.

The skin of your huge behind ripples
where giant horseflies understand
only that you taste good, not that they hurt you while you’re looking
at the vast and swirling pasture through a crack

in your stall. Cow, listen— forget the deep pools
of rain that pock the lit, green land-
scape of your youth. Forget the singing
man who rubbed your head. He’s readying the rape rack.

In the end, you’re skinned and processed. A hip pulls
loose, shoulders dismantle in the hands
of some masked worker. Old girl, there is nothing
in this world that loves you back.

About midmorning, I became hungry. And then momentarily confused because I wasn’t sure what I should eat under this new regime. And suddenly, I became really sad. Not weepy, but sad. The kind of sad that feels like there is a dull knife in your stomach.

I thought this was weird because I diet all of the time. I’ve been hungry before. Michael Prager writes a blog where he talks about food as an addiction. (Here is the new agey part.) Since quitting drinking, food has been what I have turned to for comfort. I have a trauma history (honestly, I am not trying to be dramatic, but I do). I wondered if by not filling myself with protein and dairy like I normally do, some of the sadness inside of me was released.

I pulled myself together and made some hummus for lunch. For dinner we had linguini with vegan pesto. Dinner was so delicious that even my kids ate it. Which was amazing because my children do not eat. They are kind of miraculous like that.

Now I just have to figure out what to have on Wednesday. Any ideas?

I decided to try the gradual approach.

January: Vegan on Sundays and Wednesdays

February: Vegan on Weekdays

March: Completely cut out meat and dairy products

That will give me time to adjust to the new diet, and get a store of go to recipes that I can use.

Tomorrow will be my first day. Below is my proposed meal plan:

Breakfast

Black Coffee, Kashi Cereal and Coconut Milk

Lunch

Homemade hummus, carrots and Avocado Wasabi Salad

Dinner

Pasta with pesto sauce

Hopefully, this will go better than the juice fast. 

Second, I am a kick ass baker. This is related to number one. But I’ve gotten really good at making cakes, pies and cupcakes. I will either have to recreate everything or not eat what I bake. And like I said, I struggle with self-control.

Third, I am not sure what I would eat. That concerns me. What DO vegans eat? Also, I hate tofu.

Fourth, my wife. Did I mention that I was a lesbian? Things have been difficult the last few years, mostly do to my choices and the economy. Jen does most of the cooking. . The last thing I want to do is aggravate her more.

Fifth, I love cheese.

Sixth, I hate tofu. I’ve guess I already said that.

On the plus side, a vegan blog gives me an excuse to post cute pictures of animals.

I made a friend through the internet. She is an animal rights activist. On her facebook page, she has posted a series of photos and videos depicting some of the horror of modern farms. Some of the photos anthropomorphize (my god, what a word) the animals. This annoys me. No one likes feeling manipulated. But the suffering she documents is very real. It has given me pause.

For her birthday, I went a day without eating meat or consuming dairy in her honor. I had my latte with soy, and hummus for dinner. It wasn’t easy, but I made it. It got me thinking.

Also, and there is no polite way to say this, but I’m fat. Not horribly so. I am a mother, and I look like a lot of mothers. Which in America at the turn of the 21st century means, I’m fat.

I was thinking about the fat thing yesterday. There is a woman at work who greatly annoys me. She plays her music in her cubicle for all to hear, and gives you a nasty look when you ask her to turn it off. In a passive aggressive moment, I turned on NPR. She turned her music up, and I turned up Talk of the Nation.

Turns out, NPR is pretty interesting. Yesterday, they had on Tara Parker-Poke who wrote the Fat Trap for New York Times Magazine. The long and the short of it was that it is very hard to lose weight permanently. Her assertion is that once you are fat, your body kind of likes you that way and you will never be able to eat like a regular person. A caller came on and said that she had converted to a vegan lifestyle and had kept the weight off.  Tara Parker-Poke pointed out that most people are not vegans. I also remembered that a woman in my Weight Watchers group had lost 75 lbs and kept it off for years by becoming vegan. I am not going to get pregnant again or breastfeed, so I started to think about the vegan lifestyle for me.

Lastly, I have become convinced that the consumption of meat is very hard on the planet. Tomorrow, I will talk about some of my reservations about giving up meat and dairy.